Category Archives: google

Eww Grotty to the Max Gross!

Lucky I’m an Englishman living in the US or else the primary result for “Gross” would be a complete mystery… Gross = 144 what?

(harks back to the imperial system (British not Federation) of 12 units, 12 x 12 = 144) is the first ‘real’ organic result with internal sitelinks showing their thoughts

“Gross income” – worth it’s weight in gold, but you would have thought that a search for “gross” would have less financial intent

“Gross so out” – I’ve never heard anyone in the Valley say it this way.. “Gross *me* out” maybe…

“Gross ton” /¬†“Gross tonnage” – there’s a lot of weight to this result ūüôā

Seems overall Google believes people don’t know what gross means and so serves up definitions / dictionaries / resources as the first 6 results.

> continued

Google SERP for "Gross"

It’s only result 7 where things get interesting… “Gross *pictures*” – yuck

Interesting inclusion of a Twitter hashtag in position 8 and to round off the top 9 positions (I was lazy to capture #10) Рpoor Alan Gross, he only makes the bottom part of the SERP *AND* gets to spend 5 years in a Cuban prison. Lack of search visibility and plantains really make a bad day.

Whip it real good.

Ah, the word “whip” so many meanings, so much intent, at least if you have your mind in the gutter!

Google assumes that my primary interest is in an obscure baseball “sabermetric statistic” (which isn’t even a word according to my spellcheck.

What’s more, Wikipedia (the #1 result) even has an intelligent-looking equation that explains everything about WHIPping your baseball stats. ‘triffic!

That being NOT my intent at all, Google serves up another couple of Wikipedia results telling of a whip “a tool traditionally used by humans to exert control over animals or other people” and whip “an official in a political party whose primary purpose is to ensure party discipline” – not really much difference.

My favorites of not too many inspiring favorites in the SERP are from The RuneScape Wiki – “see lucky abyssal whip” NOTE TO SELF – avoid the “unlucky abyssal whip” if you want to live a fruitful and productive life… and the little snippet from WHIP Student Radio. whip. Click the Logo to Continue… “please sir… can I have another?”

Finally.. if you’ve read this far…

IF you want to learn how to crack a whip (you’d probably be smart enough to search for “whip cracking” but I digress) – David Morgan offers insight into the Art of Whip Cracking – and a number of books – at his website¬†– and David, please send my share of your affiliate profits to my home address. You’ll know it.

The sound of whip cracking is easily heard through the thin curtains.


I happen to love fishsticks (or fish fingers as I grew up with) – the challenge is that Google doesn’t know that.

So when I’m searching for this British ‘delicacy’ I get a fishy South Park episode as #1 followed by the Wikipedia explanation of that episode, followed by the history of fishsticks (also from Wikipedia)

No thought from Google that I may actually be looking for something to eat when I search for a food… *obviously* Google believes my intent is to look for something funny…

Why else would they present me with the Urban Dictionary meaning… “Something that implies Kanye West is a gay fish”?

Okay… I’m smiling.

Sticking it to Google

So what would *you* think you’d be looking for with the search query “stick”?

Seems it’s a mix of Stick Figure movies, stick games, and yes…stick death!

Nestled in there too is “Stickam” – what appears to be a Video Chat community and rounding off the top 9, “The Stick” something that Google may need to relieve “soreness and injury” (thanks to the FTC anti trust investigation!)

Nothing about a wooden object though… obviously google skews results towards intent based primarily on online ‘stuff’.

“Hack” is no longer a hackneyed phrase.

Based on Googles interpretation of intent, “hack” has a lot more importance to users as a “Japanese multimedia franchise” than to “cut, notch, slice, chop, or sever” and even beyond just a good ole’ cough!

If you look way down at #10, Google also thinks you’re looking for the best way to hack a Coke Machine. < cough >

What is Intent?




1. something that is intended;  purpose; design; intention: Theoriginal intent of the committee was to raise funds.
2. the act or fact of intending,  as to do something: criminalintent.
4. meaning or significance.

For Search Engine Optimization it’s about defining and refining opportunity to connect with users that will meet your goals, whether it’s traffic, downloads or other conversion points.